I just want to say again, how amazing all of you are. Thank you for taking the time to comment and bless me with your sweet words. I was nervous to be honest. I was worried I was the only one feeling this way and it made me feel so guilty. I’ve read so many wonderful, moving, tear jerking stories about parents meeting their children for the first time and not many stories about the negative side of things.
My nerves have still not completely subsided. I am doing much better though and was even able to eat breakfast and dinner today. I think I heard my stomach singing praises of joy.
I wish I could say our visit today was better than yesterday, but it was not. One of the other parents there gave me some Gerber yogurt melts for Alaina and she was NOT HAPPY when they were gone. The social worker came in at that point, so Sveta gave Alaina some cookies to appease her so we could listen. Well, when those were gone, she threw one of the biggest, loudest tantrums I’ve ever seen. Adam tried to pick up a cup to give her some water and that only made her more hysterical. There was no calming her down. I was sweating so badly and instantly my nerves shot through the roof. We were told she can be aggressive and we sure saw that today.
I’m actually surprised that little fit didn’t send me running for the hills, considering how I’ve been feeling these last few days. I’m giving God and all your prayers credit for that one. J
Tomorrow we go to the notary to sign the paper that states we want to proceed with this adoption. WE ARE PROCEEDING with this adoption. I’m scared as heck. I would even dare say frightened. But we are moving forward, we are pressing on. Trusting God for His guidance and blessings.
Praying that God is going to fill you with peace that is going to pass all of your understand.
ReplyDeletePraying for you everyday: the unexpected is so frightening. You've already shown tremendous courage, and you have a strong husband and an all-powerful God on your side. Continue trusting them.
ReplyDeleteOh Lauren! I love that your husband is steadfast in his words. Praying for you.
ReplyDelete:)
Teri
You don't know me, but I'm so PROUD of you for stepping out amidst your fears. Since you have nothing left, this is God's chance to show how mighty He is, how He can redeem the years your daughter missed out on. We'll keep praying!
ReplyDeleteOh my, what a stinker! Good thing she's so stinkin' cute. You are doing the right thing. It's not easy, but it's going to work out. She's going to blossom once she's home and with her family. Keep the pictures coming!!! Praying for you!
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Rebecca
There were some behaviors that Judd displayed in the Institution daily on our visits that I was very worried about... Worried how would I handle this with 2 other little boys to take care of. Funny thing is the behaviors I was most worried about were never an issue after Gotcha day. Some of them were his learned behaviors to get attention and he never did them again with us once set free. Will there be challenges YES... Hang onto God... That is one adorable little girl!
ReplyDeleteShe is precious, seeing some of her challenges today gives you time to find strategies to handle them so when she is finely safely in your home, you will know how to help someone with her challenges work through the situation. God has BIGGER plans than we do. I am sure a couple years ago you had no idea that God would bless you with a daughter in this way! Praying that God gives you peace over the many things that are alarming, but under His control. He is working an absolute miracle in this little girl's life through you! JT
ReplyDeleteI know this will be an unpopular comment, but to this day I resent how many people told us "don't worry! It will all be SO much better when you get home!" I strongly recommend that you bring your current children into the orphanage with you before you make this decision. We disrupted an adoption when the adopted child could NOT handle not being the absolute center of attention at all times and whether that child was receiving good or bad attention didn't matter...they would do ANYTHING needed to get the attention (and yes, we got plenty of help!). It very nearly tore our family apart. We're now part of several very active groups for families that have disrupted adoptions, and I can tell you that NOT A SINGLE FAMILY ever saw disruption as a possibility before they adopted (and many passed judgement on those who did). Families don't talk about it when they disrupt - blogs just go silent, people just quietly disappear. There are a LOT of disrupted international adoptions, and every one of them leaves heartbreak and devastation (on SO many levels) in its wake. This is the rest of YOUR life, HER life, and YOUR OTHER KIDS' lives you are making decisions about. If there's already a red flag, you owe it to ALL of you to resolve that before proceeding, even if that means more time and money now.
ReplyDeleteKeep moving forward. It is so hard to be away from your other children that your aching is normal. It won't be long as this trip will go fast. Your husband is on board so that should say something. You are feeling a lot of emotions and hard to sort through it all, I'm sure.
ReplyDeleteNina
Throwing a temper tantrum is very different than being aggressive. You didn't mention what she did that was aggressive. do you think she will be aggressive with your boys?
ReplyDeleteNina
Yes, adoption can be extremely hard. It is challenging but sooo worth it! I've seen some pretty bad tantrums from my sister too. It's scary and oh so sad!
ReplyDeleteI'm praying for you and your husband. God chose little Alaina for your family, and I know he'll guide you through it.
Blessings,
~Michlyn
Praise God for strong husbands! I never thought even 3 months ago that my husband would be anywhere near ready to adopt then one day....it is an amazing adventure watching God take an already awesome guy and mold him into an even more fantastic made of God. Cherish him! Love him! Trust him! God will use him to speak words of truth and comfort to you when you feel as if you have nothing left to offer. Praying for God's peace and wisdom!
ReplyDeleteLauren,
ReplyDeleteMatt and I felt God calling us to adopt Ashlyn from the very first moment we saw her picture. We knew NOTHING about older child adoption. We weren't looking to adopt an older child, we were looking for a toddler. We prayed and asked God to open the doors if this was HIS will. He did and we proceeded with much excitement, trepidation, and continued prayer. As soon as we received PA we heard from a local family who had adopted an older child and they were REALLY struggling. They introduced us to other struggling families. To say we got scared is putting it lightly. We talked with many people who told us not to proceed. We prayed and didn't have any peace to continue and we knew we couldn't hold onto her file. We didn't want for her to miss out on another family finding her, So we backed out. For MONTHS I agonized over our decision. I kept reading and educating myself and praying. FINALLY, the peace came. And here we are today. She was ours all along. We know this path is not an easy one. But we are confident that we are making the right decision. Has God called you to this? Has He provided for you financially? Has he given you a strong, confident husband that listens to His calling and has peace? I understand that anonymous is just trying to help, but don't allow fear from other people's circumstances to cloud your vision. It's good to know the whole picture and educate yourself on the "what-if's", but if God has called you to this, HE will equip you to walk through WHATEVER may lie ahead. That includes the really hard stuff. You are going to be ok. Many prayers are going out on your behalf. many people have walked the same path you are walking today. Yes, many people have disrupted, but many MANY more have not. I just wanted to give you my 2 cents worth because I know you are struggling right now. I know you are afraid. Your emotions are raw and you need to be encouraged. The mountain isn't as high as it looks and your Father in Heaven is in control and He has a plan for your entire family that He wants to work out through your leap of great faith. Do not be afraid. "For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline." 2 Tim. 1:7 I put the link to your blog on mine today. I'm asking everyone I know to pray for PEACE for you.
Blessings,
Rebecca
One more thing...
ReplyDeleteI prayed for you just a while ago and then started my daily reading. I'm in the book of Numbers. I don't think it was ironic AT ALL that today I read chapters 13 & 14. Read them when you have the time. I think you will be encouraged. Notice Caleb's great faith and the prize He received for it. God is the same today as He was back in Moses' day. He never changes. His promises to you & your great faith will be the same as they were to Caleb and Joshua.
Love,
Rebecca
A smile came over my face reading your post because we have been there : ) It's so funny (looking back but not at the time of course). Our son cried every single time we went to visit him in the orphanage. I mean really cried and tried to get away from us kind of crying during...every...single....visit! We proceeded with the adoption in faith (my husband the rock as well). It wasn't until 'gotcha day' that our son finally smiled at us for the first time. Actually he first smiled meeting his sister and then turned to us and smiled. I think he felt he could trust us after meeting her for some reason : ) It has just gotten better and better ever since (he's been home with us for a year and a half now). He is the sweetest little boy in the entire world I am convinced!!!! He's an unbelievable blessing to our family!!!!
ReplyDeleteGood things to come for your family I am sure. Keep walking in faith. Adoption is hard work in every way but it's all so worth it. Give her time and remember that the Lord is patient with us. So excited to follow your journey!
Please don't let a toddler having a tantrum scare you. Once she is in your care, YOU will be in control. Remember that she has never been in this situation and she is acting out of fear. You look and sound different. I KNOW that HE brought you to this place, this day. Don't give up. And, should things get to be too much once she is home, I can guarantee that there are many who will be there to help. Even to readopt. Leaving her now will mean certain death in an institution. I AM HERE. And, I will be here when you need me.
ReplyDelete